October 2004

Complaint of the Bad Caver


“ Because this cave exists only for my profit
I mine it for the most reputable collectors
Who give me top dollars and 6.2 beer for speleothems
As my tips for mining jobs well done.

With these gypsum crystals I’ll finance a splendor
Such as the trailer park rarely sees: satellite tv!
With this black alabaster I’ll spend a weekend in Vegas,
The woman by my side the dirtiest I can buy.

So with hammer and pick, human cunning and chisel,
I’ll head out to ranches at midnight,
Sledgehammer slung at my side, determined
Not to leave without a sackful of selenite.

And if I have to lie to the landowners
I can tell the truth as well as any lie
And then change my world to fit it
And get what I want—endless acres

Of land to explore in gypsum cave money country,
Friendly cavers who show me sinkholes,
Friendly cavers who take me to entrances
I would never have found otherwise.”


Steve Beleu, Central Oklahoma Grotto - Posted October 2004


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